Balancing Your New Life With What You Valued About Your Old One is a Challenge
By Nicole Attias, Presentation & Leadership Coach
You were once very successful in your business. You worked hard and long to get to where you are. You are goal-oriented and know that you have so much to offer. Yet, your life has changed. It feels like some force pulled the carpet under your feet, and you don’t know how to stand or where to walk without losing it. Picture this carpet as everything you’ve ever known or admired: freedom, motivation, success, being social or results-oriented, and even your very own spirit. Every single thing you’ve stood for feels as though it has been taken away from you.
Now you are a mother and your responsibilities have shifted. Those things you desperately want to feel or experience seem so far away. You don’t know which emotions can best express how you feel and think: Frustration, anger, sadness, or all of the above. When the world around you is saying,“Wow, how does it feel like to be a new mom?” and you can’t say “amazing,” this hurts. Your child is gold. Your child is a gift from above. Your child is also demanding and time-consuming, something that you might not have been ready for. When those around you tell you to just get over it and accept your new life circumstances, how do you do it?
A FRUSTRATING AND DIFFICULT TIME
Building a business and then stopping IS frustrating. Having dreams and desires but not being able to put your energy or devoted time into them the way you used to IS difficult. If you’re the kind of person who is creative, fun, driven, spiritual, or social, this is ESPECIALLY difficult. Now you find yourself at home much more often, and exhausted. It’s as though society is trying to tell you to change your entire personality to cope with motherhood and your new responsibilities.
THE IRONY IS HERE
I used to run my own business for seven years. I loved what I did. I was a full-time coach, a facilitator who taught motivational public speaking courses, and an entrepreneur. The very thing that I preached or stood for in my programs was the very thing that I felt was taken away from me. For instance, I used to teach people to get over their fears by doing the very things they feared. I also used to teach people to believe in themselves, their visions, and their abilities in order to get to the next level in their lives. I did this by being encouraging, caring, and a little bit pushy when the situation called for it.
MAINTAINING A BALANCE
Balancing your new life with what you valued about your old one is not without huge pain. What you want to see happen will not happen over night. This is why many new moms get depressed. As female business owners or entrepreneurs, it is crucial to keep the ball rolling even if it’s at half the speed as you once knew it to be. Motherhood is something that enhances your life and everything that you’ve worked so hard to become. It is extremely frustrating not to be able to pick up and do what you’ve always done, mostly if this is what your spirit and personality crave, and why people have flocked to you in admiration in the first place.
As a facilitator and coach, it is key to discuss your experiences (where appropriate) with others who can relate. Workshops are a perfect medium for this. Inspiring others is why genuine trainers do what they do in the corporate world and publicly. Never forget your charm and uniqueness, because if you do, so will everybody else.